MSTies by FutureDami (Part 8 of 9)
A collection of adorable battle ready characters for a faux fighting game, based on creatures, creeps, and critters from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Pumaman (Ep. 903 - The Pumaman; 1980)
“Professor Tony Farms could have gone his entire life without knowing he was THE PUMAMAN. Yes, he could sense danger. Sure, he could see in the dark. And he was vaguely aware that his hands were steel claws, after a series of broken nail-clippers and inexplicably ruined sofas.
"But it was only when Tony was hurled out a window by Aztec priest Vidinio that he truly embraced his inner puma, making him technically some sort of 70s proto furry.
"Pumaman is an aerial attacker, using the natural flying abilities of the puma(?) and feline grace to flail around and fall at a 45 degree angle. Most of his attacks involve him losing control of his pitch/yaw, crying and giving up, and simply slamming into his opponent with the force of a discarded dishrag."
Roger (Ep. 1012 - Squirm; 1976)
“Fly Creek annelid enthusiast Roger Grimes was the unfortunate victim of his father’s electrical experiments involving worms. As a result, he has become a symbiote vessel for hundreds of predatory worms.
"Roger’s gameplay is the classic strango-choker mid range combatant. He can also dislodge his body parts temporarily, which is a devious tactic, as only his head takes damage. Thus an opponent can be wailing on what they thought was Roger, only to realize they have been pounding away at a pound of squirming worms.
"Roger suffers at extreme close and long range, as well as a weakness to fire type damage. He can send highly skilled sentry worms to snare the legs of enemies and keep them at range."
Ross (Ep. 315 - Teenage Cave Man; 1958)
“Ross Allen, herpetologist and scourge of the Everglades is a formidable character. He is a dangerous sadist who delights in the suffering of others, and prefers to kill slowly using snake venom he has personally extracted with his own fangs.
"Ross begins combat on gatorback which serves as a mount and a meat-shield absorbing damage for it’s cruel captor. Using seminole blow darts he then punctures his opponents with toxic darts or snares them with an array of nets.
"Ross is such a nefarious and unpleasant character that even Manos, J.T. and Pitch refuse to tag battle with him."
Sam Casey (Ep. 814 - Riding with Death; 1976)
“Sam Casey, alleged Harvard Law grad and translucent secret agent (?) is a fearsome combatant. Voted the least-visible INTERSECT agent 3 years running, Sam has the ability to completely vanish for a limited amount of time.
"This ability is both a blessing and a curse, as Sam believes he should be seen… constantly. Like a bronze Apollo, the flaxen Sam shimmers like a beacon of mellowness. The wide cuffs of his groovy pant legs sweep the ground of evil with each easy stride.
"However, NOT being seen allows him to get behind an enemy and use one of his many overpowered garrote finishers. The turkey-plucker in particular is the most deadly, but requires 10 seconds of stealth prep-time, which is dangerously close to the 15 seconds it takes for Sam to succumb to radiation poisoning."
Solarite (Ep. 902 - The Phantom Planet; 1961)
“The solarites, or “fire people” as they are often slurred, are a predatory itinerant race which terrorized the galaxy. Evolved from, and composed of igneous molten rock, Solarites prove dangerous opponents because, much like Cynthia Rothrock, their very bodies smolderingly lethal.
"In combat the Solarite is an interesting fusion of defensive harasser and powerful spell caster, which makes it perhaps the perfect combination of good and beautiful. Its greatest attack: the high intensity heatbomb, requires considerable charge time and involves the Solarite igniting it’s own inner flame and grappling and sundering it’s foe. Playing keep away and ranged kiting is the only safe way to fight the Solarite, as melee attacks will scald whomever strikes it."
Starfighter (Ep. 622 - Angels Revenge; 1979)
“The Lockheed F-104 Starfighter is a single-engine, high-performance, supersonic interceptor aircraft originally developed for the United States Air Force. It was quickly retired as the plane was not only a fault-riddled deathtrap but also a Decepticon.
"Starfighter does most of it’s combat in robot-mode using it’s razor sharp wings to slash at enemies. Like the pilot Bob Dornan, the machine has limited understanding of human language, nuance, and humor and cannot be taunted, goaded, hornswoggled or hoodwinked.
"The plane’s metal hull is resistant to many types of physical damage, but opponents may opt to simply take a defensive stance and wait for it to lock up and explode like a flying Ford Pinto."
Tab (Ep. 614 - San Francisco International; 1970)
“Tab Hunter is the leader a crime group known as “The El Paso Medical Forwardists”. Even they are not sure what the name is supposed to represent or what their grievances are. Though he is a thug by nature, his years undercover as a priest of St. Olaf and his extensive medical training give him a unique array of combat medic skills.
"Battle-priest Tab is capable of mending even the most grievous of wounds. Oddly enough, the lord seems to be on his side, as his prayers of divine intervention are answered at an astonishing rate. Using a splint, a dummy screw, some gauze Tab can return from the brink of defeat with full health.
"The drawback of this is his offensive capability, of which there is little to speak. His pistol gives him some range, but there are much more potent ranged damage dealers. Still, in an attrition fight, Tab simply exhaust and outlast his opponent."
Terror (Ep. 807 - Terror from the Year 5000; 1958)
“Terror from the Year 5000 is what happens with you attempt to barter with the future via weird machines. Always be sure to read the fine print when dealing with the future, because what seems like the purchase of a simple pastrami on rye sandwich can result in a shrieking radioactive monster woman leaping into your study.
"The Terror is a versatile attacker, who uses an interesting combination of radiation based DOT attacks, and alacrity based dodges and flips. She is a slippery spaz of a fighter, moving unpredictably and rapidly, occasionally phasing in and out of the present tense. Traveling through time has made the terror a bit out of synch with temporal reality, and she can teleport around the battlefield quite rapidly.
"She is not a hard hitting opponent, and most of her damage dealing capabilities comes from proximity based radiation burns. These are applied directly by raking the opponent with her fashion-forward future nails, and inflicting the target with rebuffs. A skilled player then dances out of range and plays keep-away while the plot slowly grinds to a halt or the enemy keels over into a cancerous heap."
The Horror (Ep. 817 - The Horror of Party Beach; 1964)
“Not far from Fingal’s Quarry there is a keen spot where hip teeners hang out and shake their collective groove thangs to “rock and roll”. This tide pool of hormones, angst, and music is known as “Party Beach” and it was never a safe place.
"Though recently, a BP barge discharged toxic waste, which of course created mutant protozoa with vampiric tendencies. Though foiled by New England physicist Eulabelle, the Horror still roams the coastal town preying on young women like so many Kennedys.
"The Horror is a somewhat slow powerhouse specializing in status ailments and drains. The cnidocyte stinging tendrils can paralyze, burn, and poison opponents. The multiple ovipositors can extend a frightening distance and sap an enemies health, healing the Horror. It can make for a very irritating battle, as the Horror often finishes a fight with more health than it started with.”
Trash (Ep. 705 - Escape 2000; 1981)
“Motorcycle thug “Trash” is a resident of the (Italian) Bronx and enemy of the militant General Constriction Corporation Company and evil Gov. Bittle. Trash may be a dedicated idealistic freedom fighter battle imperialism and fascism in a cold world he never made…or he may be a hopeless greasy drifter who’s only goal is scavenging a can of beanie weenies. We may never know; Trash isn’t a talkative fellow.
"What we do know about Trash is, he is fast. Using his souped-down Yamaha affectionately known as "Enzo" he stays mounted during combat. Surprisingly agile even when it comes to turning, the motorcycle allows Trash to close the distance with an opponent at a frightening rate. This is a double edge, however, as nearly all of Trash’s special moves require him to be mounted on the bike. A few well placed kicks can send him flying off it, in which case he will be significantly weaker, and confused.
"When disarmed, Trash can roll a saving throw to call in his comrade in arms: "Strike n’ Son" who can distract opponents with explosives. This is only a temporary solution, as Strike well quickly descent back into the sewers, again leaving Trash to his own devices. If Trash’s THAC0 reaches zero, he can then roll a d20 to summon his other friend "Toblerone" who will mercilessly taunt the opponent with relentless cackling, usually giving Trash the upperhand."