DO AUSTRAILIANS ACTUALLY GET CONSTANTLY ATTACKED BY BIRDS IN 'SWOOPING SEASON' OR IS TUMBLR PULLING MY LEG???
YES. THAT IS 1000% LEGITIMATE. swooping season is a real thing that happens when birds get pissy about being parents and take it out on everyone else. especially magpies. and it effects pretty much the whole of australia because magpies are fucking everywhere.
Meet the magpie:
Also known as ‘angry little black and white blurs of pain and suffering’.
"oh but they’re just birds how bad could it be australians have snakes and spiders and they’re crying over some stupid birds"
Magpie are incredibly aggressive and they have very very sharp claws and beaks they can cause plenty of damage. people are blinded every year by these fucking things. iI myself have been hit several times. one time i was hit in the back of the neck when i was about 6 and i bleed all the way home, completely ruining my shirt.
and there bastards are perfectly happy to chase you all the way home from school. seriously. they will follow you.
they are very territorial and that’s their whole problem. they attack in order to ‘protect their nests’ but that’s bullshit magpies are just fucking assholes that like to ruin everyone elses fun.
but like literally ruin everyone’s fun. because you can’t go for a walk or play footie in certain places at all during swooping season. especially places with lots of tree. or you get fucking annihilated.
they fly up to a tree, swoop down at you very fast beak first and try to remove as much of you as they can in one go. then go up to another tree, swoop down, rise, repeat.
the second spring hits. BAM! signs like these go up everywhere especially around schools
people are encouraged to use umbrella and sunglasses and put fake eyes on the back of your hats to confuse them. also carrying a big stick and holding it above your head is very common
putting zip ties on your bike helmets becomes like putting on shoes
anything to keep magpies from going for your eyes
and they love to go for your eyes
and before you start laughing at the idea of wearing hats with eyes or a spiky helmet like a dork fucking read this:
and then think about the fact that this happens eVERY YEAR. he’s not the first or the last kid to have his life ruined by a bird.
so fuck you that one random person who told me australians are making shit up and crying over nothing
and fuck you
you newspaper coloured muthafucking minion of satan
fuck you all the way back to hell
i think i’d take the spiders instead of these motherfuckers